Portland Glass

My experience of "race" - a ramble

Irvington Covenant Church is attempting to step into a dialogue re: "racial righteousness" - stressing honesty and humility in the process. It's gotten me musing. Here's the current product of that musing.

Part 1, one white man's response to racial tension / conflict:

1. Simpleness. As a child, though I grew up in rural Wyoming, I had a few friends who were not white (I believe they were hispanic and black). I realise I didn't clue into any racial dynamics at the time. A friend was a friend. A sweet time, but like a sweet wine, lacking in depth and complexity.

2. Avoidance. Getting older, I found racial tension uncomfortable, as such, a thing to avoid. Add that to fear of "other," and it made life easier to avoid people who weren't white. This wasn't difficult in Wyoming / Colorado, but became harder in college. I note, I had the luxury of being able to make that choice. Some can't.

2. Guilt. In college, I found racial tension unavoidable. I was struck by the intensity of anger coming from my non-white classmates. My immediate reaction was to duck. Avoidance didn't work, so if I took on a supplicating attitude, it made it more difficult for the anger to stick. "I'm sorry for what my people did to your people." is not a bad place to start. But it's not a good place to end. Also "I deserve whatever anger you have for my race, because of the awful things my people have done to yours." - not true.

The Christian fellowship I was part of at that time stressed Race Reconciliation as a major emphasis of scripture. That was trendy. They've moved on to other trends. Nonetheless, I left school with the impression that to follow Christ I would need to enter the inner city to live and reconcile with non-white people. Forth I went.

3. Capitulation. After college, I entered the workplace - human services. To start with, Residence Life at my alma mater. Then to Portland. First, the Jesuit Volunteer Corps - working with people with serious mental illnesses. Then into social work - focusing on an impoverished (white) neighborhood. Then into Neighborhood Mediation - a city-run, albeit black-focused, mediation program. I should clarify that - my understanding is that this program was the brainchild of black leaders, had been predominantly staffed by black staff, and was considered one of few city programs which actually benefited the black community to a notable degree (in contrast with many city programs). In becoming part of this program, I found capitulation as my next tool to attempt to leverage myself out from under a constant mist of racial tension / anger. I made choices to enter into, and stay in this tension, but had few skills to work around it. So many times in my life I just wanted a card - something to pin on my chest so I could fast-forward the whole racial tension / anger part of building relationships with my non-white community. Non-existent. In this stage I would choose one person to align myself with, and use that position as a shield against anger from other individuals.

4. Talk. About that same time, I initiated a reconciliation group at Irvington Covenant - invited black friends over to my house to meet with my white housemates and talk about race and reconciliation. I have much love for the black friends who came over, they did not merely humor me, rather, they honored me by coming and attempting this. We lacked what it took to expand this process into anything larger than the 8 of us, though we did grow closer as friends. Talk, open and honest, is good. But there's no way that we can talk, or hug, this out.

5. Listen. Talk has limited effect. Among friends, assuming good of each other, it can be affirming. Among acquaintances, where trust isn't established, it has potential to lessen that trust - bringing harm. Listening is a position of receiving. It can honor, and it has little potential to harm. It's a great tool in mediation. And it is effective, to a degree, in navigating racial tension. It can dampen racial anger. Though, I have found that silence, in the face of some racial anger, only infuriates, as there is a perception that white silence means dismissing or patronizing or simply ignoring.

6. Earnestness. So, I decided to simply attempt to honor my own state / heart, and speak out of that place as best as I can. Is there a single culture that doesn't respect that? I've found myself entering into fewer conversations about race and race tension though. But when I do, the results have more often been positive.

7. Genuineness. Humility and honesty. A shade different from earnestness. And I have fewer words to describe it since it's really more an ideal for me at this point. Speaking with honesty and humility, listening to, not my thoughts, but my spirit as it looks lovingly toward Christ, who leads me to love my neighbor.

And so, I enter this phase with my community with a mixture of trepidation and hope.

Fiction and Solomon

King Solomon is attributed with having said "there is nothing new under the sun."

What if he's right?

In the final chapter of Cities of the Plain (Cormac McCarthy, 1998), One of McCarthy's characters (Billy) has a dream. Another character then talks about how when someone exists in a dream, they weren't just created at that moment, but they existed before that. In fact, it's quite egotistical to think that we could actually create a person just like that, just for that moment, for our own purposes. He proceeded to describe how that dream person must have existed before that dream, in other dreams perhaps, and went on to walk through other dreamers' dreams as well.

Jung, on the other hand, simply described these characters and events as aspects of our interior life. Again, no creation there, just what's inside us taking on various forms.

How about fiction? or art? innovation?

Previously existing elements placed together in ways and relationships they've never been in before? What about those ways and relationships? aren't they new? Did they exist somewhere before? I've got a handful of windows which are original work. That is, no one's done it exactly like I did it. But maybe the only difference is in the details. Are those inconsequential? ... I prattle.

I'm a reductionist. In that sense. I am compelled to agree with Solomon (and Plato?). There's only one story. There's only one work of art. There's only one anything - and we're just working to try to get as close to re-creating that "anything" as we can. And hopefully having fun doing it.

luck, and diatomaceous earth

It began on Thursday. My dad (visiting Oregon from Greeley, CO) helped me modify a 10-ft bamboo pole into an effective crab trap tosser. We visited Netarts (Happy Camp Hideaway) and started flinging this thing (a butterfly trap) into the bay and began pulling in crab (lots and lots of tossers, and, for the weekend, 5 keepers - one of them took a chunk off my dad's finger). We were doing at least as well as the guys in the boats with the big baskets were. Then Saturday night I kicked butt in dirty clubs (some silly card game my folks are into). We made it there and back to Portland using a half tank of veggie oil, and the Suburban did just fine! (and so did the boys!) Also, I had left the van on WVO accidentally (rather than switching it to diesel), and was concerned about running the battery down getting it started again - but I left the heater lines on an extra long time, and the thing turned over faster than ever!

Then on Monday, I participated in the Mississippi Pizza Spelling Bee! For the first time. And went head to head with a good friend, my mother, and a handful of spellers. Having had 3 pints of Jubel Ale - I was a little surprised to find myself in the final round with a spelling veteran. After several attempts at spelling impossible words - we worked our way backwards into an easier category, he missed his, and I got "milquetoast". It's a pitiful word to win on, but there you have it. Especially when I really should have won with "kieselguhr" (which means: diatomaceous earth). I forgot about the H near the end... Still wobbly with the Jubel, I collected my prizes (tootsie roll pop, hug from grandfather, spelling bee t-shirt, photo on the wall and $10 gift certificate - other contestants merely got a dumdum and a hug from grandfather). As I ambled home, feeling the smuggest guy on Mississippi for a moment.

Tuesday came. The checking account (unmonitored for a moment) dipped too too low incurring nasty fees (no returned checks - and I remedied that situation today), and I lost horribly in dirty clubs. Though we did take the Suburban up to Sauvie Island for a little Pumpkin Patch experience - and the kids had fun, no one got hurt, AND it took all of 3 seconds for both the boys to pick out a pumpkin and we hopped right back on the hayride and hauled it back to the barn - which was perfect. So, not ALL bad luck, but I had been hopeful for a trend. Of course, now we've got the miners being rescued, the gulf is being cleaned more than polluted (maybe?), and the dow is looking positive. So, whatayagoingtado?

Christ the eternal tao - book preview

as I haven't finished reading it (barely begun), I can't offer a review, so I'll make it a preview - for it's a book I've been looking forward to digesting for quite some time. It starts with a bang (bigger than the big bang) and approaches its subject from the disposition of one involved in the Eastern Orthodox tradition. Among other things, the author catches my attention again and again. Here's a sampler so far.

- making it clear that this is not a syncretistic writing - which reminds me of a speaker I heard many many years ago (Ajith Fernando) who made sure we understood his point, being that there is no religion that contains the truth; All religions POINT to the truth though, and that truth is Christ.

- The Gospel of John begins powerfully, talking about the Logos (word) being God and with God and all things were created through the Logos. An Eastern Orthodox translation of this uses Tao (way) instead of Logos, and they do seem to be quite interchangeable. In as much as Heraclitus recognized Christ as he spoke of the mystery of the Logos, Lao Tzu recognized Christ as he spoke of the mystery of the Tao.

- the author speaks of how seekers in america are leaving the teachings of the churches and studying eastern thought. His interpretation of this movement (certainly resonates with me) is that the image of Christ is seriously obscured in the grossly tarnished image the american christian church puts forth. Whereas, though in Lao Tzu's writing, and still in Taoism, though as a dim reflection, a purer image of Christ can be found. It is easier to be pointed to Christ via Taoism than by the american christian establishment.

- that even after immersing oneself in Taoism, there still exists the seed that Christ planted that draws you further into faith in Christ - which is what drew the author back into the Eastern Orthodox tradition. (Though it seems that Orthodox tradition already has a fair openness to Taoist thought if only for its strong presence in and proximity to China.)

here's a few links:

A short bio on the author (Hieromonk Damascene)

and the Amazon link to the book 

Consumerism, a dishevelled diatribe

A friend of mine recently spoke to me contrasting consumerism and creativity.

My wife is often complaining that our system of capitalism is so degrading for so many - skills are usually undervalued. And couldn't we use an economics system that was far more valuing? My answer to her is that capitalism is a least common denominator. Being tied to greed, which is pretty much just human nature.

As such, consumerism would be tied just as readily to greed or human nature. It's a common language - everyone speaks it - so it's quite easy to build a world market based on it. Socialists, Communists, Democrats and Republicans can all appreciate it. Someone else penned - the love of money is the root of all evil. It makes sense.

On the contrary, we have creativity. Where consumerism is the landing place for the entropy of society, creativity is that force that counters it. Building where consumerism destroys. Creativity, tied with paradigms of abundance, integrates where consumerism disintegrates.

Another interesting discussion is one that happened on NPR earlier today regarding "happiness." After listening to the program for some time, I found that there are millions of folks selling happiness - religious, communist, even just your neighbor. Happiness - to me is another thing we sell. Just another facet of consumerism. The mystics worked towards contentment, possibly, and certainly acceptance. Happiness wasn't really ever a requirement or goal. And we find happiness is a cheap sell for us. Buy your happy meal, get happiness in a bottle, a can, an account, whatever - but what about contentment? What about acceptance? Do we become consumers of contentment? purveyors of acceptance? or creativity?

business and paradigms - gratitude

I've seen a new paradigm - and I want it! Is that consumerism?

The paradigm is acceptance and love. According to a friend of mine, acceptance is a major theme in Taoism. The story of Master Hu is a story of accepting all things as signs of God's unconditional love. Receiving with gratitude - the wens, arthritis, allergies, back pain, addictions, exhaustion, food, housing, work, vocation, craziness... So I'm attempting to pray a prayer of acceptance and gratitude as often as I can remember while I'm looking at the good bad and ugly of my life.

Meanwhile, my allergies are raging and I feel like a mess. And my work has (momentarily?) exploded so that I've begun hiring some jobs out (simple extraction / glazing work) to a buddy of mine. It does feel weird to get paid for someone else's labor. But it's a good weird. And I've got some good artistic projects (and a few that aren't so artistic). But I'm still fighting with deadlines. And vacations are coming up, and I'm not getting any sleep - and the Suburban just developed a particularly noisy issue - possibly the drive train... And I'm just trying to continue to receive all of it, and love God back for it. And there it is.

esoteric ramblings, in a big nutshell

My sister posted in her blog recently about her new goals: lose weight and save the known world.

Though driven by the day to day absorbing lifestyle of loving and raising and providing for two little boys (ages 3 yrs, and 6 mo. ), in my moments to pause and consider my existence and its value and direction I lean on 3 stories (all three poorly paraphrased below).

1. A popular chinese statement of harmony - that being that harmony in the universe is brought by harmony in the world, which is brought by harmony in the nation, which is brought by harmony in the family, which is brought by harmony in the family, which is brought by harmony in the person, which is brought by harmony in the heart. Peace, as with harmony, begins in the interior life and moves outward with great (though subtle) power.

2. An orthodox understanding that one way of faith is that of "unknowing", or mystery - that as we come closer to a walk with the Almighty, we move more and more from the world of light and equations into a world of darkness and miracles. (darkness - not being evil, but shrouded)

3. Told to me by Parker Palmer in The Active Life, a story of the king's head butcher  - who never needed to sharpen his knives (which weren't ginsu). When asked why he never needed to sharpen his blades, he stated merely that when he butchered an animal, he simply placed his knives in between the bones.

Then, as I contemplate the state of the world and global warming and people who drive while talking on their cell phones and $98 barrels of oil, I consider the way of aboriginal thought, as well as some existentialist thinkers, as well as feminist psychologists (a poor trio, no doubt). But I wonder that some who have their existence so tied to the earth (many aboriginals of many lands) don't act stronger against the destructive bend our people have put to our own existence. I come to wonder that perhaps they consider their own existence but a very small part of the goings on in the universe. That on a much larger scale there is quite a balancing act going on. Increased cell usage leading to increased cancer (perhaps), but death is bigger than cancer, and swallows it up willingly. And life, in its turn (be it maggots, or dandelions, or whatever) often swallows up the trail death leaves behind - often turning the destruction into a beautiful thing. Global warming may end up causing mass destruction of us and most, if not all of the animal and vegetable life we know, but the balancing act does not depend on us existing as a race. Even should the world blow up into smithereens, parts of it would be absorbed into the sun, other parts land on other planets and become a part of their landscape for future explorers to wonder at. The universe goes on, and hardly even blinks. Does that sound nihilistic? I hope not - but I suppose it at least borders on it - at least fatalistic.

Nonetheless, I think some perspective is necessary - and finding myself overwhelmed by two little boys in one little house, it's hard to imagine tackling a whole world of mess with any sense of competency - unless the answer is in starting in the interior.

And so we try to love these boys as best we can, and pursue matters of the heart. Which brings me back to my artwork - simple as it is. Between that and raising these boys I'm doing my best to save the world. There you have it.

Beach Bust - Etsy Craft Show - (a learning experience)

I just got back from the Etsy at the Beach craft show - and it was a serious bust! And it's a sad comfort to take when it feels better that your neighbors didn't do any better. I have chalked it up to a learning experience - there are some shows that the only things that sell are those priced under $1. However, I did learn about setting up my booth, and describing my niche. And I have a few modifications for the next time - which I hope will be at the Portland Saturday Market - I expect I will get a better understanding of whether or not I should be in this gig after a time or two there. (It also makes me wonder about the effectiveness of showing up at the First Thursday - where it seems most folks are there to look, not engage, and probably not purchase.) Some things I won't know until I try though... Till then!

The order of the Universe

Being strongly influenced by Theologian Lewis, I believe that everything that exists has an eternal presence (perhaps call it a soul, but not necessarily). Rocks, trees, dogs, bears, mosquitoes (?). Lewis’ take on stewardship and the eternal forwards this idea – that our responsibility concerning the universe around us is to steward all creation towards good, or towards an intended purpose (that purpose being, to glorify God). And how we direct those things - be them dogs or dolphins, tomatoes or trees – impacts them eternally, towards heaven or hell. This line of thought would go so far to say that such things as strip mining and strip malls further a land’s decline to Hell (e.g.,

Los Angeles

suburbia).

I suppose this idea is related to Lewis’ portrayal of people as like gods – becoming more and more like gods as we live – either horrifyingly, or beautifully. One aspect of us being godlike is our lordship over creation around us (is this not akin to Robert Bly’s description of the good / evil queen / king?). One interesting side note: not without exceptions, I believe you can often take a peek at the hearts of the individuals and communities by looking at the land in their charge and how it has improved or declined in response to their stewardship.

So consider your pets, your home, your yard, your neighborhood, your farm, your community, your county, your state, your country, your world, ... Read some Lewis (Mere Christianity, That Hideous Strength), or some Wendell Berry (anything). Know you are master over these things (like it or not), and act accordingly.

And, consider your art. 

Choose your art wisely. Art is one way we steward our environment. Consider the question of corporate art v. individual art (compare: track homes v. homes built by hand or by community); or art for good v. art for evil (consider the spirit of the artwork – from where does it come?).